I wrote this last year, I was going to edit it but felt like it would take away from it’s essence. This is how I felt at the moment.
This hate within my soul is scratching at the walls of my chest, making my
skin fluster and my body vibrate, can he sense this within me when he
looks into my eyes? can he sense the madness that’s yearning to rip him
apart, I want to gain self control, I want to have the upper hand, I
want to smile and shrug off all this anger that’s eating at my brain.
Anger always seems to win out while I shout out “Stop it, why don’t you
just shut the fuck up already, I don’t care to listen to you ramble on
about absolutely nothing. Your nagging has gotten the best of me, I no
longer give 2 shits on what you say! what you do! just leave me alone
and fucking die!” merely nothing compared to what I could have said,
what I could have done. Evilness clouds my judgment giving me exciting
things to do when tempted enough to go against my morals. The smile
that’s managed to come across my face isn’t a smile of happiness or
love, my eyes sparkling like diamonds not because of tears that might
form. It is out of pure anger and rage! I want to destroy everything in
my path I want you to feel my heartache my pain, wishing a knot to
forms in your throat, I want you to gag on it, choke till air
no longer fills your lungs and while this is happening, hands out
stretched to me pleading for help struggling for your last breath, I
want to stand there motionless with that sparkle in my eye, head tilt
with a in place. CHOKE BITCH!