Scattered

I started it with just a simple, I’m having a moment, I don’t expect you to understand.

You see, I’m living a secret double life. She’s what makes me who I am, she’s not always right but she’s not always wrong. She sees things that many overlook and pass off as nothing serious. But she sees and understands what really is going on.

She has so many faces, and at times she could be so high and mighty, shining like a star. But with a moment’s notice she can fall like a shooting star, so low and fast that not even Hades himself can reach her.

I’m not proud of it, but it’s safe to say I’m being ruining slowly by her. I can’t help but be helpless to it, it rules me and slowly rips at my seams. Ask me if I want to be this way, feel this way and act this way. I would reply with a simple no.

I can be a masochist at times, I believe that pain and grief only lets me know that I’m in fact alive. May it happen on a daily basis, everyday living or moment’s at a time. Mine comes in spurts, they can last for minutes or days. I pity myself at times, but this is who I am. This is the internal battle I fight. The struggle.

One part of me wants to be loved, when another part can’t deal with the touch. The truth is, I’m repulsed by the idea of being ONE with another. I can’t, or is it that I won’t be this person. Who would want to deal with someone like me, if I don’t want to deal with someone like me. I’m going to rule it as, it’s  just not in me. Is it safe to say that? You can’t be hurt or hurt another. Sounds like a sound excuse.

I’m tired, of mentally being everywhere at once. I just want to be quiet and lay dormant. Letting this time pass me by. Maybe then, my feelings of madness and sadness can reside.

I can feel better.

Hopefully.

Advertisements

About nisykitty

I'm odd and eccentric. I'm weird yet cool, wait that all means the same right? I’m me!! I have a new found love, that I will never ever give up. It’s as fierce as Larissa Ione, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Kresley Cole and Jeaniene Frost’s love scenes. I ♥ books! Throw in some sexy HOT steamy Vampires and I’m golden. Every day is a learning experience and I'm open to the unknown. I'm thoughtful and caring, and said to have an old soul. I have moments when I don't know what I'm getting myself into, but 99% of the time it works out. This site along with my Fan page proves that. If you ever have a thought that crosses your mind DO IT! You never know what the outcome will be. (Positive thoughts, I don't need ill publicity) lol I'm grateful for all my friends I've made and the ones to come. I know I'm not alone, which is an emotion that’s indescribable. Vampires RULE and Werewolfs (except Alcide) drool! I’m also the brains behind Vampires Anonymous fan/website. We ROCK!!! Join the party, Bloody Mary’s all around! Oh yeah, did I mention I'm open minded? v--v
This entry was posted in Random, Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s