I started it with just a simple, I’m having a moment, I don’t expect you to understand.
You see, I’m living a secret double life. She’s what makes me who I am, she’s not always right but she’s not always wrong. She sees things that many overlook and pass off as nothing serious. But she sees and understands what really is going on.
She has so many faces, and at times she could be so high and mighty, shining like a star. But with a moment’s notice she can fall like a shooting star, so low and fast that not even Hades himself can reach her.
I’m not proud of it, but it’s safe to say I’m being ruining slowly by her. I can’t help but be helpless to it, it rules me and slowly rips at my seams. Ask me if I want to be this way, feel this way and act this way. I would reply with a simple no.
I can be a masochist at times, I believe that pain and grief only lets me know that I’m in fact alive. May it happen on a daily basis, everyday living or moment’s at a time. Mine comes in spurts, they can last for minutes or days. I pity myself at times, but this is who I am. This is the internal battle I fight. The struggle.
One part of me wants to be loved, when another part can’t deal with the touch. The truth is, I’m repulsed by the idea of being ONE with another. I can’t, or is it that I won’t be this person. Who would want to deal with someone like me, if I don’t want to deal with someone like me. I’m going to rule it as, it’s just not in me. Is it safe to say that? You can’t be hurt or hurt another. Sounds like a sound excuse.
I’m tired, of mentally being everywhere at once. I just want to be quiet and lay dormant. Letting this time pass me by. Maybe then, my feelings of madness and sadness can reside.
I can feel better.