I started it with just a simple, I’m having a moment, I don’t expect you to understand.

You see, I’m living a secret double life. She’s what makes me who I am, she’s not always right but she’s not always wrong. She sees things that many overlook and pass off as nothing serious. But she sees and understands what really is going on.

She has so many faces, and at times she could be so high and mighty, shining like a star. But with a moment’s notice she can fall like a shooting star, so low and fast that not even Hades himself can reach her.

I’m not proud of it, but it’s safe to say I’m being ruining slowly by her. I can’t help but be helpless to it, it rules me and slowly rips at my seams. Ask me if I want to be this way, feel this way and act this way. I would reply with a simple no.

I can be a masochist at times, I believe that pain and grief only lets me know that I’m in fact alive. May it happen on a daily basis, everyday living or moment’s at a time. Mine comes in spurts, they can last for minutes or days. I pity myself at times, but this is who I am. This is the internal battle I fight. The struggle.

One part of me wants to be loved, when another part can’t deal with the touch. The truth is, I’m repulsed by the idea of being ONE with another. I can’t, or is it that I won’t be this person. Who would want to deal with someone like me, if I don’t want to deal with someone like me. I’m going to rule it as, it’s  just not in me. Is it safe to say that? You can’t be hurt or hurt another. Sounds like a sound excuse.

I’m tired, of mentally being everywhere at once. I just want to be quiet and lay dormant. Letting this time pass me by. Maybe then, my feelings of madness and sadness can reside.

I can feel better.


Posted in Random, Thoughts | Leave a comment


Look at me shining like the sun.
I can’t stop this smile from cracking this hard demeanor.
I feel like I’m weightless
If I weren’t sitting down I would float away into the clouds.
Skies above me grant me the serenity
Give me peace of mind and keep me in that lust induced state of being
Close my eyes and breathe in the very idea of you inside me
Filling the void, satisfying the need of being consumed
Your heavy hands but gentle touch
Lets pretend that I’m all you know
All you ever would need in this cold world
Let them all dance in envy to the music we’ve produced
That started with one touch.

Posted in Poems, Random | Leave a comment


Here I Stand in front of the crowd
Your probably wondering why I’m here today
To introduce myself
I am afraid
An emotional wreck
But I have my backbone
I stand strong
Let it be a testament that I am HERE
I Might
Cry a little
Suffer a little
Mourn a little
But I stand here
I. Am. Strong
You may see my frown
My shoulders a little slouched
Eyes a little torn and worn out
But I remain here
Looking into the crowd
Seeking hope
A miracle
My destiny
I pray one day
I might be standing in that crowd
Looking at that person I once was
And say… 
Posted in Poems, Random, Thoughts | Leave a comment


I slowly sit upright in bed
Numb to the bone
I can’t help but feel like a winner
In a losing battle
Phone in hand
Fingers at my own mercy
I write, I hope and dream for a better day
Hopeful dreamer they call me
I sit here in bed
Subtle breaths of life I hear
Not of my own
But of a heart that can’t beat alongside mines
Too relaxed and worry free
One day, I wish to be
I slouch here in bed
Daydreaming of better days to come
To rise and fall alongside a heart that beats in the same rhythm as mine
I stare out into the darkness in bed
All I see are lights flashing
Can’t see beyond these lights
Should I stay in the dark?
Or walk into the flashing lights?
I reach out in bed
Slowly pulling my hand back
No one’s there
There’s no one there
Rising and falling of breaths
Not of my own
Ignorant and gone to the world
Where I wish to be
As I sit here in bed.
Posted in Poems, Random, Thoughts | Leave a comment

Dreamer Within

I often dream so vividly that it could be so surreal at times. If I could stay in that alternate universe, running amuck in my own imaginations I would, never waking up, never having to deal with reality, but was … Continue reading

Rate this:

Gallery | Leave a comment

Darkness By Joann I. Martin Sowles Book Delay

To read first 3 unedited chapters click here! 

No worries Joann, your fans are super understanding and this cover is wickedly awesome not to mention the first 3 chapters!!! They’re going to be blown away with the first!! *fans self*

Enjoy my fellow Brookehaven Vampires! vv





Posted in Books, Paranormal, Reviews, Trailers | Leave a comment

Fangs for a CURE! 2011 Relay For Life of the CT Seashore

Hello All!

A couple months back I was asked by a great friend that I acquired from Vampires Anonymous, (Only where the greatest fang-bangers are) Sarah Luzbetak-Myers to join her in a great cause, the 2011 Relay For Life of the CT Seashore. And do you want to know what I said? Hell YES, sign me up!

Sarah is a survivor of this incurable disease, (I tell you, not even Hades himself can stop her. Team Siren!) But sadly not many are.

My aunt, may she rest in peace, passed away from breast cancer in 1992. Her name was Gloria Arambarry she was a beautiful person inside and out. She was and will always be in our hearts a great mother, daughter, sister, aunt and friend to all that crossed her path.

Did you know some cancers are hereditary? Breast Cancer is among them, I myself have had two breast cancer scares. And thankfully have been benign. (It’s the Alpha B in me ;o) *flexes* 

It’s been over 18 years since her passing and still no cure. Within this time span we can evolved educationally and also has our technology. Funding is the cancer that keeps us at a standstill from a cure.

Every day, someone falls victim to cancer; this illness has no prejudice it calms the young to old, female to male. May it be ovarian, breast, throat and testicular cancer among many others.

I among countless others will be walking Saturday, May 14th2011 in hopes to raise as much as we can for this cause. I humbly ask for your support, may it be in dollars or cents to help US find a cure for cancer.

Team Waterford Warriors on the prowl!

Also Known As…

Fangs For a Cure vv

I, Denise Arambarry

My Son, Toddethan Irizarry

Sarah Luzbetak-Myers son Christopher Myers

her daughter Elizabeth Myers

Donate or Join our team here.

I walk for my aunt Gloria Arambarry, I walk for Sarah Luzbetak-Myers, I walk for EVERY survivor and fallen angel that has fallen victim to this illness.

Lets kick Cancers ASS!

I thank you in advance for taking your time to read this.

Your support will help countless others.



Posted in Causes | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment